Sick, Sick, and Sicker...

I am going to get really real and share some pretty tough things tonight. It's late, I should be asleep but all these things are going through my mind and I just can't close my eyes yet.

Today has been pretty weird in so many ways and my emotions are really all over the place right now. I haven't been working out for a few months and my nutrition hasn't been great. I wanted to workout but had zero energy and felt like I was in a fog. I have had fevers and chills and no matter what I did I couldn't get warm enough and I couldn't sleep well either. I was also on this huge emotional roller coaster that made me feel very insecure and not confident about anything. Overall I felt sick and couldn't explain to anyone why or what was making me feel this way.

So this has been going on for just over two months now and finally a month ago my doctors saw me and started doing some testing. About two weeks ago the fevers and chills started and they saw me again but never really examined me... (don't get me started on this one)... Because of the 'fevers of unknown origin' they ran more blood work, changed one of my medications, and set me up with an allergist.

As test results started coming in we didn't see anything abnormal at all. Everything was coming back negative or great. I can tell you this is one of the most frustrating things in the entire world, I just want to feel better and no one can tell me why I feel so miserable at this point.

Now, before I continue, let me say I am going to be fine and I am not dying. Things could be much worse and I am very thankful that they are not. I am thankful to have some answers and to finally know what is going on rather than be here in the dark feeling miserable like I was two weeks ago.

The first round of test results identified a vitamin B12 and vitamin D deficiency, both of these can be resolved with supplements and diet changes so this is a great thing to find out. I started supplementing my vitamins and changing up my nutrition but I was still feeling like crap and my fevers were not improving.

This was extremely frustrating as I just wanted to feel better and have answers as to what was going on. I finally saw the allergist on Monday and she examined me and did the allergy testing. The allergy testing didn't reveal anything to note except that I don't have allergies. I am basically allergic to nothing environmental. I was completely frustrated though because it wasn't the environmental allergies I was curious about, it was the food allergies, but she couldn't test for that. During the exam, however, she did note that I had a horrible sinus infection that needed to be treated right away. Her concern, besides the infection and the fact that no other doctor examined me, was that I have been sick a lot (A LOT) in my adult life and she wanted to know why. So additional blood tests were ordered and really strong antibiotics were sent home with me.

I left there feeling confused, frustrated, happy, exhausted and still sicker than I have felt in years. I would start the antibiotics but besides this sinus infection and vitamin deficiency I still didn't have answers... and I wouldn't until the next morning when more test results were released to me.

Tuesday morning, I received notifications that more test results were available. Out of the 25 or so tests that were ran there were only two or three that I didn't have results on, one of them was a test on Celiac Disease. As I said prior, everything was coming back normal or negative so I didn't think this would be any different but it was. This test result told me 100%, without a doubt that I have Celiac Disease. So what is this? Celiac Disease is an autoimmune disorder in which the body reacts to gluten as if it were poison and it attacks the intestines instead.

I just sat there for a moment, staring at the results kind of in shock. I wasn't sure how to feel, happy? sad? relieved? I mean yeah I have results that's great and that completely explains why I have felt so crummy lately but damn this is not what I expected or was ready to see. How am I going to do this? What steps do I need to take to get through this and change my nutrition again? How are my kids going to handle this? Are they going to have to go gluten free too?

All these questions started running through my brain and I just couldn't even think straight and I started crying. I didn't know what to think or how to process this and really I still don't. I am in shock and just kind of numb now because I really just don't know what steps to take or how to even handle this.

Don't get me wrong, I know without a doubt, that I will overcome and get though this. I know that I will heal and be able to live a gluten free life without a second thought and that it will not be a problem, eventually but right now I am scared out of my mind and I have a lot of worries over it and over time they will fade or get worked out.

So why am I telling you all this at 2 something in the morning? Because I can't sleep and I need to get my thoughts out of my head... Also I want to explain that while I am scared out of my mind and still sick and worried about all of this, I am also extremely blessed and grateful.

First and foremost, I am so thankful that I am not dying and I will be okay (in time) and I have answers... even though they aren't quite the ones I was hoping for they could be worse so I am thankful they aren't. Second, I am thankful to have two amazing children who I have talked with and who are willing to try new foods to help me adjust to this new lifestyle. They aren't sure about going 100% gluten free as they eat it constantly but we will take it one day at a time and see what we can do. Third, I was diagnosed after many of the fad diets on the market so there are a ton of gluten free options and recipes and cookbooks available to me. Fourth, I have amazing friends and family in my life that are very supportive no matter what and will help and guide me through this or let me lean on them if I need a shoulder. Fifth, I am part of an amazing Beachbody team who has some great coaches who are gluten and soy free, one of whom has agreed to speak with me later today (Wednesday) to talk about the steps I need to take to start this transition to be completely gluten free and to answer any questions I might have. She has overcome a ton in her life so far and I am so thankful to have her as a friend, fellow coach, and support person, especially on this journey where I feel so completely lost. Six, I have all of you there reading about my journey. This isn't easy to write about and there are so many emotions that I am having right now to the point that I almost don't want to post this.

I know this isn't going to be easy, especially with two children who eat gluten all the time but I will do whatever it takes to get better and be here for them!! I have a long journey ahead of me to get better and reach those goals that I have set before me. There are still a handful of doctor appointments and finals coming up before Christmas and the New Year. For now though, I just have to take this one step and one moment and one breath at a time because otherwise I will seriously crawl under my desk and cry. I really just want to feel better.

More updates to come as I find out more and as I start down this journey. I hope to start blogging again too so that I can really get into details of what changes I am making and the good moments and struggles.

On that note, I am going to crash out but I wanted to share with you all what was going on and why I haven't been posting a lot lately regarding my health journey. I am still coaching but I needed to figure out what was going on with me so I took time to do so. Now that I have answers hopefully I start getting better and back on track. Take care everyone and remember, advocate for yourself... had I not I wouldn't have the answers I have today.